Sorry for this long one. This is my first confession of this and there’s alot to unpack. But bear with me and I hope it works out for everyone.

I’m a 38(M) married, and cheated on my wife recently, but really don’t feel guilty about it. My mother just turned 60 in February, divorced for 4 years, but she and my father have basically been separated since 2012 or so. And the reason is entirely my dad’s fault, for reasons I can only confess here, and that being that he realized that he was interested in young girls and starting getting “friendly” with the kids in the neighborhood. In 2018, one of them reported it and the police became involved, which was the catalyst that led to the divorce, but that’s not important.

When I was about 10 years old, my dad became a long-haul trucker and left my mom, my little sister, and I home for months on end without seeing him. My mother has always been a bigger lady and suffers from leg and back pain as a result, and one of the problems with my dad being gone all the time was that my mom didn’t have anyone to give her the massages she “needed” to get through the day (she did work full time). After 8 months of suffering through, she finally asked me, her now 11 year old son, to step in. No problem, I basically just pushed on her legs and shoulders, no clue what I was doing, but it helped. However, in order to do this, she chose to take off her shirt and wear the smallest shorts she owned. Cue the development of my sexual interest in my mother.

This became a nightly thing for 6 years (until I was a teen with a car and dating and stuff), where my mom became so comfortable shirtless and with minimal clothing, that she would just fall asleep while young teen me would rub my slick, lotioned hands endlessly around her body. This, of course, became masturbation fuel and in the later years, I got pretty bold in “exploring” things that I claimed “I thought would help” like her hips, her butt, her upper chest, etc. So very close to doing things, but never quite crossed the line. I found out recently, though (explained below) that some of the times she was “asleep,” she actually wasn’t and was just so starved for male contact that she would kinda let me touch her, wondering if I ever would cross the line.

There were a few other things that happened during this same time: whenever my dad would come home, they would fuck like rabbits in their room which shared a wall and I would listen to them; my mom walked in on me using a wand massager on my crotch (over the clothes), and my mom once walked out of the shared bathroom not knowing that I was home from school and wasn’t wearing a towel.

But jump to covid. Because of Covid, my wife and I (we’ve been married since 2017) were struggling despite my wife still having her medical field job (I lost mine) and we ended up having to move into my mom’s house, taking over my dad’s “office” where he did his military plane model building. My wife works nights, and because of the pandemic, she was working super long hours, leaving Mom and I alone for long stretches. It was fine for basically most of the year, but right around New Years-ish (I don’t remember the specific day), Mom confronted me saying that she could hear me watching porn and she was concerned about my relationship since that’s how things started with my dad. I told her that the wife and I rarely saw each other and hadn’t been intimate since the beginning of the pandemic. AND since I’m a once a day kind of guy, that was a problem.

Jump forward to my Mom’s 60th in February. Things were opening up here, so Mom wanted to go out. We did, early, so that my sister, her kids, and my wife could attend. It was fun, and after we went home, my wife left for work. Mom started complaining about how her back and legs were killing her from doing so much standing during the party, and then she brought up my old massages. I told her I could do it again, since it was her birthday, and she accepted, but said she would keep her clothes on. I joking told her she didn’t have to since it wasn’t like I hadn’t grown up with her in her underwear my whole life. She ended up putting on her sweat pants, but left off her shirt (still in a bra though). Cue my erection caused by years of thinking of my mom sexually.

It was fine at first, I was just massaging her shoulders and back, then I got to her legs and things got a little different. She was guiding me through where her pains were and eventually I was right on her ass, pushing and kneading. I ended up getting practically on top of her to put my weight into the pressure, my head at her shoulder, and that’s when things got a little heated. I was breathing in her ear, she was moaning, I was basically dry humping her… Cue my mother’s starvation for physical male contact.

I’m actually not sure if she meant to just turn her head toward me to talk to me, but when she did, we kissed. I’m pretty sure it was an accident, but she was tipsy and after it started, we kept going. Eventually, the kissing and thrusting became very much less about the massage and legitimately about the moment. It was an intense dry humping that caused me to release some precum, but eventually, we stopped and I just “went to bed.”

We didn’t really talk about it other than a brief “sorry about the other night” awkwardness and moved on, pretending like nothing happened, but after having a barbeque on the fourth of July, she was tipsy again, and I, as would any guy I think, got a little horny thinking it might happen again. This time it was definitely deliberate. After my wife left for work, she said she was a little drunk and going to bed, but she left her bedroom door open, which she never does, and I have to walk past to go to my room. I did at some point a little after she “went to bed” and she was laying there naked. I could tell that she meant for me to see her, so I walked in and she laid there, obviously awake, looking at me.

I know I shouldn’t have, I mean, I’m married, but there was the woman I had thought about thousands of times over 20 years and I knew that if I didn’t now, I never would. So, I took off my pants, stepped up to my mother who had her legs open on the bed, placed my hands on either side of her wide hips, and slid myself inside her. I am not going to lie and say “we fucked all night” or something that you know is a lie. It felt amazing and she definitely enjoyed it (she was already wet with lube because I guess she’d been masturbating with a toy until she heard me walking down the hall), and I came inside her (she had a hysterectomy a few years ago). But realistically, I think I lasted 10 minutes at best, probably closer to 5 or 6. And it was just the one position, my hands on her hips and pulling myself as I thrust as deep as I could into her. There wasn’t any talking, just alot grunting, panting, touching, and then eventually orgasm.

Since then, things have been weird, both with my mom and my wife. My wife is home regularly now because things at her work are not nearly so chaotic, and that has meant that only in the late evenings are mom and I alone, and we can usually keep it together. Plus, I have a job again, so I'm not just around if my wife does end up working a long shift. My and I haven’t had sex since then, but my mom has been a little more “affectionate,” which my wife has noticed and thinks is weird. She wants to find a place of our own again, but not having a ton of bills is nice, and I feel like being at home will allow me a chance for it to happen again. All the "affection" definitely feels like she wants it… but it's been 6 months, so maybe I'm just reading into it too much.