Before I begin, I’d like to state that this confession will not be for everyone. In it, I describe things that happened to me during my childhood, things I did as a teenager and adult, and fantasies for the future. It includes underage, rape, beastiality and other “taboo” topics. Be warned.
I am a twenty-six year old female. When I was six, I was introduced to sex by my then thirteen year old male cousin. I was close to his little sister and often stayed the night. One time, when she was asleep, he woke me up and asked me to come to his room. When I got there, he asked if I knew what a penis was. I said no, and he proceeded to pull down his pajamas. It was the first time I’d ever seen one, and I remember immediately feeling curious about it. It wasn’t big by any means, just a few inches. But it was different from what I had, and I wanted to know more about it. He asked if I wanted to touch it, and I said yes. He grabbed my hand and placed his penis in it. I just stood there, both amazed and confused. After a couple minutes, he gently closed my fingers around it and started to hump my hand. When I tried to pull away, he held my hand in place and told me to calm down, so I did. I didn’t know what was happening, but I was too curious to stop it. It didn’t take long for him to cum, and it wasn’t much, but it was all over my hand. He told me that’s what boys do when they feel really good, and that he was happy I was able to make him feel that good. I remember feeling happy and sort of proud, though I didn't really understand why. He grabbed a dirty towel that I remember being kinda crusty and wiped my hand and his penis off, then told me that if I wanted to do it again anytime just to tell him and we would. We did, almost every night I stayed over. After the first few times of me jacking him off, I had gotten pretty good at it and even started to lick my hand clean afterwards. He always loved watching that. We did this on and off for about eight months, until his family moved farther away and I didn’t see him as much. I did find out years later that he had started doing the same thing with his sister shortly after doing it with me, and they did it until he went to college.
When I was 14, I was raped by my uncle. Not the father of the two cousins mentioned above, a different uncle. It was nothing like what I had done with my cousin, and not something I wanted to happen. I was staying at his house because I was helping him with some work around the house for some money. The first night I stayed there was when it happened. I woke up in the middle of the night to him sitting on my bed, his hand between my legs, rubbing my crotch. I was scared and confused, and started to ask for him to stop, but before I could he put his free hand on my mouth and told me to stay quiet. He told me he knew what I had done with my cousin when I was younger, because he and my cousin were close and my cousin had told him. He warned me that if I didn’t let him have some fun, he would tell the entire family what I had done, as well as make up lies about other things I’d done as well. He would make sure then entire family knew I was a fucked up slut. I didn’t know what to do, so I nodded and let him keep going. After removing his hand from my mouth, he pulled down my pajamas and started fingering me. He was not gentle, and it hurt a lot. I remember crying, and him only getting rougher after that. After several minutes of him doing that, he pulled his fingers from my pussy and pulled down his pants, showing me his dick. It was big, probably between seven and eight inches. It wasn’t super thick, but it was thick enough to fill my hand when he told me to jack him off the way I used to with my cousin. I did, and he wouldn’t let me stop until he came all over my face. Once he’d done that, he told me to leave it until the morning, then left. I remember staying up all night, balling my eyes out, after that. I remember feeling betrayed, both by my uncle and by my cousin for telling him what we’d done. I also felt ashamed, because despite the pain and humiliation I was feeling, I hadn’t cum and really wanted to. So while I laid there and cried with my uncle’s cum drying on my face, I fingered myself. I wasn’t able to make myself cum because of the mixed feelings I was having, but my fingers never left my pussy the entire night. The next morning, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and hide, but he came for me and told me to get up for breakfast. When I sat down, he laughed at the miserable state I was in and gave me a rag to wipe my face. He then told me that the work I was doing was going to be extended, and that I was to ask my parents for me to stay longer. He also told me that he was going to ask for my help quite often from now on, and that I could never tell him no. Lastly, he told me that every night I stayed over, he would play with me, and if I ever fought him or told him no, he would tell everyone my secrets. That visit turned into almost a week-long visit, and during that time he continued to make me give him handjobs as well as suck his cock and pose for pictures and videos. The last night of my stay, he even fucked me. It was the first time I’d ever been fucked, and I came hard. Harder than I was willing to admit to him. This arrangement continued for a couple years, with me usually staying at his place once a month or so for at least a few nights. He made me do all kinds of things with him, and pretty soon I started to enjoy it. After the first few months, I told him I didn’t care if he told anyone, and that I just wanted to keep doing these things. He was happy to hear that.
These events shaped the kind of woman I would become. As I grew older, I became more and more depraved. I started experimenting with sex, shoving random objects inside of me whenever I got the chance. I smeared peanut butter on my pussy, asshole and nipples and coaxed my family dog to lick it off. I did that quite a lot. Eventually, I even caved and asked my uncle for help getting toys. By the time I was eighteen, I already had several dildos, a few vibrators, some gags, nipple clamps, butt plugs and a few other things. I had been fucked more times than I could count, to the point where I gained a bit of a reputation at school. Even my graduation was fucked up, where I went with only panties under my gown and both my holes stuffed with toys. After I became an adult, I really started going wild. I started going to parties every chance I got, and fucked anyone who would look my way. Most of the time, I was too drunk or high to know who was fucking me, and would wake up the next morning at some stranger’s house, naked and covering in more than a couple bodily fluids. I became estranged from my parents and most of my family, devoting my life to partying and debauchery. Then I got pregnant with my daughter.
This is where the warning from before really takes meaning. As I write this, my daughter is in the living room watching TV on her tablet. I am a single parent, since I don’t know who her father is. I can barely support the two of us, and even to this day I party and get fucked any chance I can get away from her. Thinking about my life, my decisions and where I am now, I know I’m not a good mother. I don’t deserve my daughter, and I know I will probably never give her the life she deserves. I love her, of course, but if I’m being honest, deep down I hate her. She is the reason I was forced to act like an adult. She is the reason I can’t have as much fun anymore. She is the reason I can’t get fucked up as much as I’d like. And when I let my mind wander into fantasy land, as I often do, I often thing about what life would be like for us if I corrupted her the same way I was corrupted. She is only five, but I often think about pulling her aside one night and showing her the pleasures and pains of sex. Of ruining her life the way mine was ruined. Sometimes, my fantasies are so strong that its all I can do to keep myself from raping her the way I had been raped, of tearing open her holes and turning her into a slut just like her fucked-up mother.
Submitted:
!["](/images/marks.png)
!["](/images/marks.png)