For confessing, maybe my expectations are too high? Or I need more patience. Or I should not be sharing secrets.

Age 11 I began learning my body. Then one day I noticed my brother's erect penis. My body touching grew and I knew something was happening. I was attracted to my brother even though I knew family was wrong. I was too curious. And sometimes he was too open to showing and revealing more than he should. As it turned out, he was just horny and wanted to teach me how to suck me how to suck his dick. All to eager I enjoyed learning and in the end I love sucking cock. Swallowing pre-cum was part of it but when he shot the full load, I hated swallowing. But he loved it and would tell me I was even sexier when I swallowed. So I was determined to learn the best way to do it. Stop eating it and just suck it down. If the taste was not good, I'd swallow like bad medicine. Being his pupil and pleasing him was a turn-on. I mastered the art of penis oral and thanks to him. I would some day like to teach my techniques. Our sex was awesome until he told how I was deliciously blossoming and he was proud I gave him the best orgasms ever and oh, he was accepted to college and more. It was the longest sentence ever not allowing me to respond. I was shocked even though I knew the day was coming. Being positive, still a virgin, only 13, and attractive it was time I find a boyfriend. Now I am 17 and still looking for a good man. My brother and his size spoiled me. Back then I had no idea how big he was. I still gauge everything based on him even though we are now far apart. But always friends. Size does count when enjoying dick and giving the bj with pride in tonguing, sucking, stroking, teething, going deep on a fat head, long shaft, hard fat balls and tight sac, timing, what's pleasing, body language, noises, words, teasing, and finishing him off. Resisting intercourse was the hardest part. I will remain a virgin until I find the total package that's not family. Girls give or tell me where to find advice. The internet is getting me nowhere except hot horny and masturbating to past memories.