as I got older sometimes masturbated looking at heaps of peoples faces while either on meds or say, on a sickness and grief delirium or drunk and bullied for lack of sex as an incel, and looking at nothing really in particular over the past 40 years. I think I longed for trust and love and never found it. I hope to one day. I feel sorry for the people I would look at out of need for connection more then perversion but sometimes I did get kinks off I admit.