but no oatis would come out. I didn't play with him long enough. He called his snakey Oatis but Never inserted cuz it was not erect it. I think I would have had to play with it longer to erect it to push it in my holes and I just wanted to see it and feel what it was like for the paedophile in case he wanted me to feel his and he wanted me to check the size difference. He called it a can of worms game. I knew he would want to do it to me soon and yes he got me to feel his as well. I don't know why he was saying about size of dick differences . I was afraid but wanted to know. I would just touch it out of interest or extreme curiosity and try to copy mummy and daddy rubbing a little not with pants down . we were just kids. I feel weird about it now. But it definitely was not rape. I was only 8 or 9. should I feel bad about this. then sometimes we would dance together rubbing. it was not as bad as what my cousin did to me . I feel terrible I did it but I was encouraged to copy sex games from other kids and paedophile as a secret game. Its not a crime in my state cuz I checked. Its not even a child crime, it was just child's play and sexual misleading from elders. can we just leave it at that. I have been shamed out enough over it for 50 years. just stop it. Its not rape. I never put lego or toy truck up his ass either. like his family tried to do to me. I did not enjoy doing this. I felt forced into by the threats of the abuser and paedophile and just a negative voice in my head a lot and I stopped allowing them to hurt me or control me. I did similar with my brother and sister as well and I felt like a robot programmed to do sex acts that didn't feel bad or like sex. they were just testing the water like they had done to me or other kids did to me. stop making me feel like criminal for it when it was over 50 years ago now. I think my paedophile was in his 70s then or early 80s. and at this point he was not drinking as much but he was very controlling of me and I felt so controlled and worthless. I just an object to fool with and that is all these bullies are doing to me now and for the last 25 years. Making something out a can of worms. now please stop bitchin me out over it all.