Unlucky in love I was never married. At 37 I had given up hope and concentrated on what I did have, a job and my family. My nieces were the pride of my life and I spoiled them. To them auntie was the source of anything they wanted. I was too embarrassed really to masturbate, so I didn't. I put sex out of my mind. We were never raised that way, to be forward and look for sex.

I remember the evening because that date is burnt into my memory. It was a hot evening so I let the window open for the breeze. I undressed and it occurred to me that if I could see in the unit across the patio, they could see in my window too. I shook it off, finished undressing, fixed my hair and brushed my teeth and went to bed.

It was too hot and humid so all I had over me was a light sheet, under I was only in my underwear. I thought of myself, an out of body, thought, what I must look like lying there almost naked, with the sheet barely covering me. I worked my panties off and opened my legs so I was in one big X, the sheet rubbing my bare lady parts.

I was too concentrated, I didn't hear anything, until my door was pushed open and a man stood there, looking at me. He told me to keep quiet, he dropped his pants and tore the sheet off me. He was purposeful, is that the right word for a man raping you? He drove his way, is that the right word? Drove his hard penis in me, over and over and over. Somewhere, somehow, I went into an uncontrollable seizure, my eyes went blank, my breathing stopped. I felt him drive harder, pining me, immobilizing me, in a death grip. I was aware only that he was ejaculating, cumming inside me. I had no words, I couldn't speak, I laid back and he did with me what men do who rape you.

It's been a twenty years now, I remember it and lay on my bed naked, my legs apart. But the door doesn't open, the man doesn't appear. I go to sleep with nothing by my memories.