After some advice, when i was 10 or so i first touched a dogs penis for about 10 seconds or so at that age i was unsure what i was doing but i kinda had an idea. going on 3 years later i was curious on what a vagina was and what it looked like, when i was sleeping on the couch with my 2 year old niece i was 13 i touched her vagina for 15 seconds or so and touched my penis i tried to finger her but stopped as she moved and never tried or ever thought about doing it again. i knew what i was doing as i told myself if i got caught i would kill myself the moment i got caught. 4 years later i had intercourse with the family dog when i was 17 i done it 10 times or so from memory and stopped and never done it again. 2 years later staying at a friends house i jerked there dog of twice in one night. 1 year later i had moved and was of legal age to have sex with escorts so i seen one and lost my virginity to one now 3 years and 5 escorts later im 21 and am disappointed and disgusted with my self with the things ive done. I cannot make any excuses for what ive done i know what i done was sickening, appalling and down right fucking disgusting. If i could go back and never do anything like that i would in a heart beat but i can't and its ruined my life and any chance of love. part of me knows i can move past it because i won't do or think of doing it anymore but it makes me feel like a vile sick person. because thats exactly what it is and im unsure if im able to move past it and get on with my life im a good, nice person but if anyone knew about this no one in my family or friends would want to know me or anyone for that matter. ive told myself if i cannot move past it or if i ever do anything like it again i was going to kill myself. this isn't the person i want to be i want to move on and live my life part of me knows i can because i could hide what ive done and start a relationship with someone and live my life but how can i date someone knowing what ive done knowing that if they knew what i had done they wouldn't want to date me. i could live my life not doing anything like that again or think about doing it and never tell anyone but i feel ashamed and although if i was to start a relationship that they would need to know but i also know that if i was to never do it again i shouldn't tell them because ive not that person anymore and it would make our relationship worse. whats the point in telling someone something thats only going to make it worse but i feel that they need to know/should know. I would like a loving relationship one day but if i cannot deal with or tell them that i shouldn't date at all and should just live my life by myself. Im currently living with my mum and a male dog and haven't done anything sexual to him since living here. Part of me knows that it was just penis and vagina related and i can move past it because it wasn't about kids or beastiality i don't think about doing it anymore and i would never do it again but im unsure how to move on and not think about how disgusting of a person i am. part of me thinks i should just kill myself and another part of my knows im a good person an to move on live my life knowing how vile and revolting the things i done were. there is people doing this stuff with no regard or regrets so in some way i know im an alright person for understanding what i done and how sickening it was so i feel i may one day  be able to move on and stop thinking about it. should i live my life knowing what i done was wrong, immoral, revolting any words you can think of and move on never telling anyone and never doing nor thinking about doing it again or kill myself because of what i done?