i cheated on my boyfriend last night who i’m so in love with. i’m in college, and in a sorority. i’m a 4’10 120 pound girl who is constantly at the gym, and i care so much about my body and looks, so many guys have tried to get with me but i always deny. there’s this guy i’ve had a crush on for a long time, who just got out of a relationship weeks ago. he is also like a big brother to me, and about 4 years older than me as well. i went home with him just to get a shirt from him, and it led to more. we ended up messing around, and then we went to sleep. while i was asleep he put his dick in me, and covered my mouth telling me to be quiet. i did as he said, even though earlier i told him not to fuck me. i don’t want to say it was rape because i have always dreamed of a man taking advantage of me while i was drunk, and asleep. i feel so guilty though.