I (35m)have been married for 15 years in that time I have never had any sexual contact with anyone but my wife(32f). She is very vanilla but I have been able to get her to experiment some. I have been looking at porn since I was 10 and had some pretty wild things I wanted to try. Most things she said no to until I lost my job 2 years ago because I didn't work I just looked at porn all day.

I don't know what changed in my wife then, but she just submitted to my fantasies. For the next 9 months we were having sex 4 times a day and most of those times were anal, something she had only allowed me to do about 5 times before this and always said she hated it. She hadn't performed oral on me in years and suddenly she was swallowing my loads a couple times a week.

Since we have been together as long as we have I had figured out that my wife will orgasm from anything that includes a combination of nipple and clit stimulation. I being a man and believing that orgasm is the highlight of sex thought if she was orgasming she must like it to. So eventhough my wife would say she hated anal she would orgasm because I usually would spoon her so I could reach her clit with one hand and her nipples with the other while I was balls deep in her ass.

After a few months of having a ton of anal, I wanted to do more of my fantasies. I had started counseling for my sexually compulsiveness and instead of helping it just made me more frustrated sexually. One night my wife finally told me to just do it so we don't have to talk about it anymore.

Short version of the fantasy is, my wife takes ambiet and is asleep, while she is asleep I have vaginal sex with her, then oral sex that moves down to eating her ass. After I am hard again I have anal sex with her as many times as possible that night. One thing she normally wouldn't let me do was eat her ass.

Well we do that an instead of it satisfying that desire it grows. Now is when things will get bad. I started just having whatever kind of sex I wanted when I wanted it with her. Even if she said no anal I was having anal, if she begged me not to lick her ass my tongue was deep in her hole.

During this time I also was having more clarity about some of the abuse in my past and finally being open to the reality of who I am sexually. To save time on the story I realized I am Bisexual. I have never had sex with a man, but it sounds like fun. While this realization is coming about I was getting more angry with myself and what I was doing.

So one night I got mad and full on raped my wife, held her down and forced myself on her. All while telling her I'm not a fag. Not a word I would normally use but I was so overwhelmed with the sudden realization that I am attracted to men.

The next day she asked why I brought up being gay while I attacked her and I came out to my wife. The sexual abuse from me almost got us divorced, but I'm luck my wife has stuck with me.

She is my biggest support with my evolution of understanding my sexuality. I still have never been with anyone else because I am in a relationship, and I don't plan on ever cheating. My poor wife now is a rape survivor, and always afraid that she isn't enough because I am attracted to men.