My first bf was abusive. He would call me down all the time and it escalated to wear he would hit me and break my things. I also hit him sometimes so it was a toxic relationship but after a year he was so cold and such a psycho prick.

I would leave him for weeks at a time but I felt so empty I would go back. Was almost two years when he finally broke up with me. It was fucked up how he planned it. I still lived at home but I had alot of stuff at his place. He completely planned everything. He took me to dinner and while we were out his friend took all of my stuff and threw it out. Clothes, I had CD's, Mirror, lots other stuff. after dinner we had sex but he raped me anally. He had asked to try anal before and I always said no , it was the one hard no I wouldn't try. I couldnt stop him I just cried and went numb. when he was done he said he wanted to break up and that my stuff was already gone. I laid there a long time felt like absolute piece of shit.

I was in shock for the longest time and took me forever to even date again. It was 100 percent not consensual but its been years now and I still think of him and want him, its fucked up. Sometimes its almost as bad as back then the feeling of wanted to be with him.