I frequently fantasize about my gf and I getting kidnapped, and me being forced to watch her get raped and impregnated by our kidnapper. Once she had our kidnapper's kids, she and I would be forced to watch our kidnapper fuck the kids too. Maybe we'd be forced to help abuse the kids. I'm so fucked up but I can't stop thinking about it. Nothing else gets me off like it.

When I was a girl, I was taken by a man. He had me for four days before the police found me. Years later, my therapist had me write out how I felt in the moment. I still have what I wrote for her. Here it is:

He splayed me out across his king size bed and I watch him slowly and methodically take away any shred of innocence I had. Wrapping the restraints around me, he seemed deep in thought. I silently evaluated what he was planning. I remained quiet as each rope was pulled tight. Breathing calmly, I anticipated the deep helplessness. I anticipated death. I watched this man move, he was intense like a storm building on the horizon. His eyes gave away his disturbing contemplations. I knew what he is thinking. I could feel his thoughts as clearly as I feel his hands on me. My wrists and ankles were bound, muscles pulled tight. I am naked, stretched out and exposed. I am at his will.

Then I recognized his smell. I knew him. He was my dad.