Confessions tagged with 'asshole'.

#2753

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As a boy my divorced mom would often bring men home. They would go into her bedroom and I could hear them fucking. She was a crack addict and apparently would do about anything for drugs. Most of the guys were pretty nasty looking but this one guy she said to call Uncle But seemed like a decent guy. That was until the night she said if he paid her $200 he could fuck her son, which was me. I was about 13 and starting to get pubes and a little hard-on at times. She called me into her bedroom and sitting there totally naked said that Uncle Bud would pay her a lot of money if I did what he said. I was pretty fucking naive so when she told me to obey him i relented. I didn't have any real friends and was sort of the outsider so when he showed me any affection I sort of enjoyed it. This was about the fifth or sixth time he came over and he waved me over to him. He was also naked and said to give him a hug. He hugged me for quite a while then said I was to join in their fun. When I said okay he said to take all my clothes off. My tiny cock stuck out after I stripped and he had me lay on the bed. Mom was rubbing my belly like she does to comfort me and Uncle Bud kissed me. Right on the lips. Then he parted my lips with his tongue. I thought that was pretty gross. He said I turned him on more than any fucking whore could do. He said I made his cock two inches longer than my mom did. I bought it completely. Like I said, I was naive at that age. I thought he really liked me and when he told my mom to kiss me or she wouldn't get paid mom leaned over and kissed me, then she stuck her tongue in my mouth too. At the same time Uncle Bus scooted down and started to suck my cock. I was appalled at first but it soon felt great. Then mom scooted up and put her cunt on my mouth and told me to tongue fuck her. I figured she wanted me to shove my tongue inside her so I did. I wasn't long and I was cumming. I had jerked off a few times and knew the feeling but thought it was pretty gross when he kept his mouth on me while I came.

After I was spent I felt pretty relaxed when I felt his tongue on my asshole. He had pushed my legs up and lifted my ass in the air. He licked my asshole for a bit then I felt him push a finger inside me. It felt like when I scratched my ass and felt really good. After a bit he pulled his finger out and I felt something much larger push against my asshole. Mom quickly spun around with her cunt still on my mouth and I felt her pulling my fairly large nipples. I was starting to get hard again. She bent over and started to suck my cock while Uncle bud started to fuck me. It hurt at first but she kept saying to relax and it would feel good. It took about five minutes but it started to feel good. I ended up cumming in mom's mouth and he ended up cumming in my ass. When he finally pulled out he said I was the tightest fuck he ever had. Then he offered mom another hundred if I would suck him off. She just said "Oh fuck yeah." She was stoned and had no idea what she was saying. Nevertheless after he pulled out of my ass mom got off of me and he mounted my chest and put his cock up to my lips. It wasn't extremely large but looked like it to me. He said open up and when I tried to say no he shoved his cock into my mouth. He had wiped it off with my shirt first and when the head of his cock was in my mouth I had this euphoric feeling that I was doing something wonderful. I was soon sucking him as well as I could and when he came he nearly filled my mouth. Mom said I had to swallow it all so I did. It tasted good and the texture was like pudding.

I was hooked. I knew my mom was a fucking whore and would let me peek through a crack in the door. When she thought it would make her more money she would call me in and have me either suck her John or let him fuck me. I didn't understand except I really came to like being fucked in the ass and sucking a nice cock. Fast forward about 10 years: I am in a gay relationship with a 53 year old man who has a giant cock. I suck him whenever he wants and he fucks me at least four times a week. My mom turned me gay but I don't regret a single minute of it. She's still a crack whore but I don't work for her anymore. I get my own cocks to suck.

#2750

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Growing up I was into all sports. Baseball especially. I was decent and really never noticed the other guys when they showered after practice or a game. It was just something we did. We lived near my dad's brother and they often came over to visit. My cousin Curt was two years older than me and when he started driving at 16 he often drove me to the pool that summer. One day we were just lounging in the pool and I felt his hand on my crotch. He asked if a girl ever squeezed my cock like that. I said no and pushed him away. A few minutes later his hand was on my cock again. For some reason I didn't push him away and then he asked if I ever had a guy touch me like that. When I said no again I noticed his hand was making me hard.

He said "Come on" and got out of the pool. He told me not to worry about getting dressed. He drove us to a back road that was hardly ever used. He parked along the side of the road and told me to get out. I was still in my half wet bathing suit and he came around to my side. He pushed me against the car and knelt down. He pulled my suit down exposing my cock. It was pretty shriveled from the pool but when he started to suck me I started to grow a bit. Even after I asked him to stop he kept sucking. It felt really good and I really didn't want him to stop. I was getting hard and felt myself about to cum. I tried to push his head away but he had his mouth on my cock when I started cumming. He let me cum in his mouth and although he spit some out I knew he swallowed some. When he said how fucking good that was I wondered how it would be like to suck him. It seemed like he was reading my mind and pulled his trunks down. He leaned back against the car and just stood there not saying anything. I started at it for a few seconds and put my hand around it. His cock was much larger than mine and I got curious enough that I knelt in front of him and took him in my mouth like he did me. He started to mouth fuck me and he was soon hard. He must have had a seven inch cock. I could only get about half of it in my mouth but he kept pumping in and out. Then he grabbed the back of my head and held me as he came in my mouth. It made me choke a bit but I couldn't help but swallow some of it. I thought it would be gross but it wasn't. I actually liked the taste.

After he came we got back into the car and he drove me home. On the way home he said that no girl would suck me like a dude would. He said that women were afraid of cock but dudes that were into it would suck my cock as often as I wanted. It felt so good to have him suck me. Over the next four years I had three girlfriends. Only one of them would suck me and she wouldn't let me cum in her mouth. Curt was right. If I wanted to have a satisfying blowjob I needed a guy to do it. After I graduated I moved out on my own and found a nice job at the lumber yard. The hard work made my body hard and tight and I finally got tired of jerking off every night so I got on-line and started to look for other dudes that wanted to suck cock. I found that the older the man the better he sucked.

Then the night came when I got a man about 60 years old. He had a really big cock and after I sucked him off he said to get him hard again. That was the first time anybody had fucked me in the ass. It hurt at first but quickly turned to pleasure and from that night on I looked for men who were tops. I finally settled down with Jimmy, a 33 year old fat guy with a monster cock and an insatiable urge to drink my cum. Sexually speaking I couldn't have it any better. Our lives revolve around working during the day and as soon as we get home we're naked and exploring more ways to get each other off. He has licked, sucked, kissed and fucked every inch of my body and I have done the same to him.

Ladies, you don't know what you're missing by learning to take his cock and swallow his load. And if you're lucky you'll find a guy who will let you fuck him in the ass with whatever implement you can find. Just sayin'...

#2749

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Aunt Jenny is a fucking whore. Usually I don't classify woman as whores but all during my high school years she often came over to visit, and while her and my mom downed a couple bottles of wine she would brag about all the cock she's had over the last 10 years or so. She didn't realize I often listened but I was especially enthralled with her telling my mom how to deep throat a nine inch cock. I don't have nine inches but I'm pretty big at about 7 1/2 when hard. One night she even bragged about getting this whole cock and both his nuts in her mouth at the same time. I started to pay attention to her mouth and it seemed larger than most. I usually had to go masturbate after listening to them and their sexual exploits.

I was getting used to their escapades into sex and even learned that before my dad died in a car accident she had several men when dad was not home. Toward the end of my senior year I heard them talk about doing something special for my graduation. I thought it might be a car or a new i=pad or something pretty great. The closer I got the more excited I got. They were both at my graduation and after the ceremony I met them in the parking lot. Mom gave me a nice hug, then Aunt Jenny hugged me. He often gave me a peck on the cheek or lips but when she went to kiss me her tongue slipped into my mouth. It made my cock twitch even though it was unexpected. I was glad I had my grad robe on to hide my bulge. We got into mom's car and she drove directly to Jenny's house. Jenny said my graduation present was in Jenny's house. I thought this was weird but I got out of the car. Instead of coming in, mom backed out of the driveway and drove off.

"What's going on?" I asked as we walked into the house. I looked around to see where my present was. Jenny just chuckled and grabbed my hand. She led me into her bedroom and turned around. I was a few inches taller than her and when she pulled my face down to kiss me I was again surprised. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Well, your mom and I thought it was time you became a man and it would be a bit weird if your mom sucked your cock." That shocked me and when I started to protest she put her finger up to my lips and said to just be quiet and let her take the lead. I just stood there as she undid her blouse and took off her bra. She was a beautiful 35 year old woman with gorgeous tits. Her nipples were a lot bigger than I ever imagined and she started rubbing her tits and twirling her nipples. I just stared until she pulled my head down to her chest. She told me to suck on whichever one I wanted. I took a tit in my mouth and she encouraged me to keep sucking saying it was making her wet. I'd never had any sort of sex before this.

After sucking on her nipple a bit she pushed me away and said "This is how it goes. You get undressed, I suck your cock until you cum then you get to fuck me if you can get hard again." I stammered around an answer when she said "Just shut the fuck up and take your clothes off." I did. When I pulled my underwear off and stood up she grabbed my cock and said "Yep. That's the one." I gave a look that said "What the fuck are you saying?" She said "Oh yeah, your mom and I sneak into your room sometimes when you'e sleeping and your cock looked delicious." "What the fuck?" I said, pretending to be mad. She pushed me over onto her bed onto my back. She had me scoot back and jumped onto the bed between my legs. She took my cock into her mouth and before I knew it her lips were against my pubic hair. It didn't take but a few seconds until I was hard. I must have been three inches down her throat and she didn't flinch. Somehow while she was sucking my cock she managed to take her pants off and while her lips were on my cock she spun around and mounted my face. Her cunt was on my mouth and I noticed she was completely shaved. Wow! My aunt was sucking my cock and I was licking her pussy. I licked up and down and eventually stuck my tongue in her and she mumbled to tongue fuck her. I pistoned my tongue in and out and she was gyrating on my face. I couldn't hold back anymore and said I was cumming. Then she shocked me by shoving a finger in my ass and I exploded. I don't know if she even tasted anything since my cock was halfway down her fucking throat. I came as hard as I ever did jerking off. She backed off a little bit and her lips worked the head of my cock until I started to get hard again. I could taste her as she was cumming while tongue fucking her. She sucked me until I was rock hard again and quickly then turned around. She plunged down on my cock so fast my head was reeling. It was soft and seemed to squeeze my cock just like I do with my hands. She started to fuck me. She grabbed my hands and put them on her tits. She said to be as rough as I wanted. I started to massage her tits when she said to pull her nipples. I pulled and she kept saying to pull harder. I had her nipples stretched about as far as they would go and she yelled that she was cumming. Her cunt squeezed my cock and she yelled to pull harder. I pulled as hard as I could and she grunted and moaned a bit. "Oh fuck" she kept saying as I pulled her nips until I pulled her body down. Then she reached down and grabbed my nipples. Nobody had ever done that before but it was fucking great. She pulled my nipples hard and with her cunt squeezing my cock I started to cum again. I was grunting as I pushed up as hard as I could.

After I came she collapsed on top of me. She shoved her tongue back in my mouth and kept her cunt wrapped around my cock for a few minutes. She finally broke the kiss and rolled over. Then she said "Of all the cocks I've had yours made me cum harder than any of them." I didn't know what to say when she explained that her mom and I had been planning this for a long time. Then she reached for her phone and before I knew it she was telling my mom all the details, on how big my cock was, how much cum I generated and how it made her cum when I exploded a second time in her cunt. I was embarrassed. She finally got off the phone and without saying anything rolled back over and started to suck me again. It took over a half hour until I came a third time. She swallowed every fucking drop I gave her and when she leaned up to kiss me I tasted my cum mixed with our saliva.

We ended up spending the next two days together. I got used to her walking around naked in her house and she got me drunk both nights I was there. I sort of got used to her finger fucking my ass while she sucked my cock and she was willing every time I started to get hard. She even started to hold my cock when I pissed. She was completely uninhibited and the last night I was there she had me fuck her in the ass. She said I had the most gorgeous cock she had ever seen and that my eventual wife would be the luckiest woman in the world. I did eventually get married and she was right. I found a woman who loved my cock and the first two years she wore my ass out. I didn't mind though because she sucks my cock anytime I want and will let me fuck her at the drop of a hat. Man, what a difference a large fucking cock makes.

#2748

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I got married at 22, just out of the Navy. I never had any gay experiences in the Navy but saw a lot of guy's cocks in the shower and on various parts of the ship. I never dreamed the woman I married would be so kinky. We only had straight sex before we were married but on our wedding night she asked if she could get a little kinky with me. I was a little drunk so I told her to do her worst. She just laughed. Then she turned me on my belly and tied my hands behind my back. I thought this might be fun but got a little worried when she put a bar between my ankles about three feet apart and strapped my ankles to the bar. She reached under me and pulled my cock back under me. I was getting hard when she said that my cock wasn't what she needed that night. I was perplexed until she knelt down and started to lick my asshole. I couldn't close my legs so I tried to relax. After all, she was now my bride. I was surprised at how good it started to feel and my cock was getting harder. Then she put a finger up to my asshole and started to twirl around. She got deeper and deeper until she finally plunged her finger into me. I thought it would hurt but it didn't. Then she stuck a second finger in and began to ass fuck me with them. Her other hand reached under and grabbed my cock. Playing around she said things like "Oh, so you like that huh sissy boy," and 'Oh, you're ass is just like a nice shaved cunt." It wasn't but three minutes and I was cumming in her hand. She smeared it all over my ass and finger fucked me for the next 10 minutes. She finally let me up and undid my bonds. Wow. What a fucking experience.

Fast forward two years. We did some kinky shit to each other and one night while drunk she admitted she had sucked her friend's pussy a number of times. I said I didn't care what she did in the past. Then she asked if I ever sucked a guy. I said no and she looked a little disappointed. She also started to comment on other men when we were out. Things like "Don't you think he has a nice ass?" and "I bet he has a big cock. What do you think?" I never answered her but often wondered where this was leading. Then one Saturday we were at the library looking for a couple of books to read and she pointed to a large man on the other side of the room and asked if I thought he was sexy. I said he looked like a fat pig. She walked over to him and I could see they were in conversation. I couldn't hear them but she came back a few minutes later and said it was time to go. She wouldn't tell me what they talked about other than he seemed like a nice guy.

I forgot all about the guy in the library. That night she went out and came back with a case of my beer. We drank a bit and she said she was horny and wanted to fuck me until I cried. This was new but I said to give it her best shot. We had become pretty adept at bondage and she tied my hands to the bedposts and wrapped my legs up so my calves were tied to the back of my legs. Occasionally we used a blindfold and she tied one of her scarves around my eyes so I couldn't see anything. She sucked me for a few minutes and said she would be right back. She left the bedroom. It was about 15 minutes and she announced that she was here and I would be in tears in a few minutes. She bent over me on the bed and started to suck my cock again and started to play with my asshole. Her fingers were nice and slippery and I jokingly wondered when the crying was gonna come. Then she said Jimmy was here to fuck me. I said "What the fuck is this?" as I felt someone much heavier than Heather get on the bed. I was tied down pretty tight and couldn't really move much. I felt him spread my legs a little and lift my ass up. She put a pillow under me and he said he was going to split me seven ways to Sunday. His cock was massive when he shoved it into my wet asshole. It hurt like a fucker and was much bigger than her two fingers. He immediately started pounding me and the pain was almost unbearable. I was begging him to stop but he didn't. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and Heather must have noticed. She said "See, I told you you'd be crying before I was done with you tonight." She told me to just relax and it would get better. I tried to relax and after about five minutes my ass started to accept his massive cock. The tightness in my legs loosened and the pain started to turn to pleasure. "Oh fuck yeah" I heard myself say at one point. Then she mounted me and put her cunt on my mouth. It was already wet and I tongue fucked her as long as Jimmy was fucking me. My cock isn't that small but his was thick and opened me up. After a few minutes I was loving it. I made Heather cum twice before I felt Jimmy fill me with his jizz. He finally pulled out and I heard him walking away. She finally untied me and we fucked again. She finally admitted that night that she gets turned on by watching two men having sex.

Fast forward another five years: We are totally into the swinging lifestyle. We are as happy as we've ever been. She gets all the cock and cunt she wants and so do I. We've sucked so much cock and licked so much pussy that times we even argue who gets who first. I love a big cock in my ass and love a nice cock in my mouth. Man, what a cunt I've married.

#2742

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My wife can really be a cunt at times. It had been two weeks when she decided that our two kids were enough. She didn't want sex much anymore. I was pissed that night when I was horny and she wasn't. I told her I was going for a drink and headed to the neighborhood bar. I had never been there before and discovered when I walked in that it was a gay bar. I didn't want to seem naive so I sat at the bar and ordered a drink. I drank for a couple of hours and was feeling no pain. Then a guy came and sat by me at the bar. At the same time another guy sat on the other side. They were both pretty good looking for a couple of guys but I wasn't gay. I felt the guy on my left put a hand on my thigh and said his name was Tom. Before I could say anything the guy on my right said his name was Mark and they could do to me what my wife could never do. He said he saw the ring on my finger and knew my story. He was right on the button.

They bought me a couple more drinks and before I knew it they were both rubbing up and down my crotch. Tom asked if I had ever been sucked off by a pro. When I told him no he said that they could make my dreams come true and grabbed my hand. He said they were taking me to their apartment. It was only about a block away and I let them lead me there. I was staggering quite a bit but they steadied me until we got to their place. As soon as we walked in Tom locked the door and turned me toward him. He embraced me and kissed me. His tongue slid past my lips but I responded. I didn't even realize Mark was in the room until he hugged me from the back and undid my shirt. His hands were all over my nipples and I was loving it. Then Tom broke the kiss and knelt in front of me. He unzipped my jeans and pulled my cock out through my shorts. It's quite small but he didn't seem to mind. While he was sucking me he undid my pants and pulled them down and had me step out of them. They walked me over to the couch and had me sit down. Tom knelt down and continued to suck me while Mark got on the couch and straddled my belly, putting his cock up to my lips. He said he knew I wanted it and pushed his cock past my lips. I opened my mouth to take him in and marveled at the sensation of having a cock in my mouth. At that moment I forgot all about my wife.

While I was sucking mark's cock Tom pulled me down a little and I felt him licking my ass. Then he shoved a finger in my ass. I thought it would be painful but it was quite pleasant. He finger fucked me for a bit then pulled his finger out. He asked me if I wanted more. I tried to say yes but it came out in a mumble. He must have heard me because before I knew it his hard cock was at my asshole. I was still sucking Mark's cock when Tom shoved his cock inside me. I almost came right there. I was being fucked for the first time and sucking a cock for the first time. What a fucking rush. I realized that I really wanted his cock in my mouth and began to suck like a vacuum. He came first. He filled my mouth and in my drunken state I swallowed it all. He kept fucking my mouth until he was hard again. About that time Tom said he was cumming and filled my ass with his jizz.

After Tom finally pulled out of my ass Mark asked if I wanted him to fuck me also. I said yes. He had me get on all fours on the carpet and he knelt behind me. He shoved his cock in me and fucked me for the next half hour while Tom sat on the couch watching. Mark finally came inside me and pulled out. They said that I was the tightest fuck either of them had ever experienced and for me to come back again.

The next Friday night I was feeling kind of horny and my wife said no again. I said I was going for a drink and it so happened that both Tom and Mark were sitting at the bar waiting for me. Man what a fucking night that was. We re-lived that night over and over and now I could care less about my wife's pussy as I've found a new proclivity.

#2741

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When I got to high school I noticed that I had the shortest cock in my gym class. My cousin Bob was always bragging about his big cock and how many mouths have been in it. He was three years older than me and when I got out of high school and got a job I would spend most Friday nights at Bob's apartment drinking and chilling. One night he said that he could walk into a gay bar and get just about anybody to suck his cock. I told him he was full of shit. He said he could prove it to me. I was getting pretty drunk when he got up and said he would prove it to me right now. We got into his car and he drove about a half hour over to the big city and parked hear a bar. There were a bunch of guys outside the front door. He said to pick one and he would show me. There was a fat guy in the crowd. I told him to pick that one.

We stumbled over to where they were and he pointed to the fat guy and pulled him aside. I listened in and he said "Hey bud. Ever sucked on a nine inch cock?" The guy said no. Bob told him that here was his chance and grabbed the guy's hand and led him to the car. Bob told him to get in. For some reason Bob hopped in the passenger seat and Bob got behind the wheel. Bob undid his pants and pulled his cock out. I was in the back seat looking over his shoulder. I saw the biggest fucking cock I could imagine. The fat guy's eyes just about popped out. Bob said that he could tell the guy, whose name was Denny had trouble picking up men but if he wanted to play he would sit right there and let Bob drive him to the apartment. The guy thought about it for a minute and then said "Let's go." I couldn't believe it. He picked this guy up and we hadn't even had to go inside.

We got back to the apartment and Bob got us all a couple of beers. After he had finished his beer Bob stood up and stripped. His cock was at half-mast and told the guy to suck him. The guy got on his knees and started to suck Bob's cock. That was the first time I had ever seen a dude sucking cock. Bob looked over at me and saw me rubbing my crotch and told me to strip and join the fun. I was pretty horny so I thought "What the fuck," I might as well. I stripped and Denny stood up and stripped as well. My five inch cock was getting pretty hard just looking at it. Then Denny said he wanted to taste me. He stripped as well. He was pretty well hung and said that his cock was the only thing that attracted others. He got down and started sucking me. Bob was stroking himself to keep hard. Denny somehow got me on the floor and knelt over me in a 69 position. I never thought about it before but his cock pointing at my mouth was too much and I opened up and took his cock between my lips. I was loving it, having his cock slowly piston in and out of my mouth. Then I felt my legs being lifted and Bob was licking my asshole. This felt even better but took me over the edge when he pushed two fingers into my asshole. He hit my prostate and I started cumming. I didn't even have a chance to warn him but Denny swallowed every drop. Denny kept sucking me even after I was spent and after a couple of minutes I started to get hard again. Then Bob took his fingers out and I felt him pushing his big cock into me. Pain shot through me for a minute but when he started to fuck me I started sucking harder. I first tasted Denny's pre-cum and liked it. His cock was about seven inches and pretty thick. My cock twitched every time Bob thrust forward. Then Denny mumbled that he was cumming. I let him fill my mouth and swallowed as much as I could. I was lost in my own world and Bob kept fucking me. In minutes I was cumming again. In the next 15 minutes Bob filled my ass and Denny filled my mouth again.

We finally all got up and drank a couple more beers. Then Bob looked at Denny and said "See. I told you he would suck your cock." They had set me up. I called them both a lot of names and finally calmed down. I ended up sucking Bob's cock before we all went to bed. I have been at Bob's apartment nearly every weekend and occasionally stayed all weekend. I'm now a full-fledged cock slut and now get as much cock as I can handle.

#2732

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So when I was 28 I got a girlfriend who was a little crazy in bed. The first few times we fucked it was pretty normal. Then she said she wanted to get a little kinky. When I asked what she had in mind she said she liked a little bondage. No pain, just some ropes and such. Then one night as we were fucking and my arms were tied to the headboard and my ankles were pulled up and tied up to my thighs. Before I could cum she hopped off of me and turned around. She started sucking my cock and just before I came she shoved a finger up my ass. Her finger found my prostate and I exploded like never before. Even after I came she continued to finger fuck me. That was a pretty exciting night, but after we were done she said she needed something more. She said she really liked sucking my five inch cock but it didn't really satisfy her and she needed a big cock. Then she made me a deal. If I would buy her a large dildo she would stay with me. So I bought her one.

Her new cock was over eight inches long and almost as thick as her wrist. The first time I fucked her with it she nearly fainted. For the next few weeks she would suck my cock as I fucked her with that big cock. She came like never before. I actually preferred her to suck me instead of me fucking her because she was very good and would swallow every fucking drop. Then one night after after she tied me up like before I made her cum and she was sucking me and finger fucking me she took the cock out of her cunt. I thought she was done but got a big shock when she started to rub it around my asshole. I was a little worried and the pain shot through me when she shoved it up my ass a couple of inches. She was actually very gentle as she fucked me and sucked me at the same time. After a bit it started to feel pretty good. Then she got off of me but left the cock in my ass. She came back and put a blindfold on me saying she had a special surprise. Even with that big cock in my ass I was pretty excited but got another shock when I felt the nipple clamps. I often like to play with my nipples and she clamped them on just tight enough to cause pain but not too painful. I was concentrating on my nipples when she shoved that cock all the way in. I fucking lost it and started cumming. She wasn't even touching my cock and I actually hit my chin with cum.

That started a whole new era of sex for me. I loved that cock in my ass and eventually she got tired of me and moved on. I, on the other hand bought an even bigger cock and started to self fuck with it. That was until I discovered how good a real cock felt in my ass. Now I search for the biggest, thickest cock I can find. I guess I can say she turned me gay. I don't even think about dating women any more but getting fucked in the ass by a bull is the thing I long for nearly every night. What a fucking turn of events, eh?